You're born, you become a cliché, you die. - Ali

At the moment, everything in my life seems to be closing in on me. I was described earlier as ‘narrow-minded’ and I took it rather badly. It’s not so much the accusation as the realisation of the truth that lies within it. As a hole in my life is currently leaking spirit, I’ve foolishly turned to what I cherish most to plug the problem. I’ve become insular and heavily dependent on my moments alone to get me through the day. Taking solace from sitting at my desk listening to The Smiths is not what my heart yearns. Morrissey is an idol of mine because he delivered raw emotion into popular music. He had the courage to say something different and for once give people an outlet for their angst in life. His unquestionable talent to poetically portray the glum zeitgeist of the 80s is adored by many including myself. However, this adoration has come at a cost to me. I have surrounded myself with his lyrics and style and begun to reject what society would deem as mainstream through sheer disgust at its lack of meaning. A rejection of commercial music to me was my gut reaction to any mention or sound of it. How can it possibly serve a purpose with no significance? Why do we constantly settle for inadequate artists that do not enrich our existence?

These questions are my own and shall remain my own. I have, on too many occasions, voiced my concern for the deteriorating nature of art. It is not my place to say what should influence your life or what you should take meaning from. I once visited my friend’s father’s funeral; for his final song Bob Dylan’s ‘Blowin’ in the wind’ was played. Originally an anti-war song, in this case it clearly just said everything the mourning family wanted it to say. It was not the poignant lyrics about war that made them chose that track, it was simply the piece of music they felt best represented their now departed loved one. Everyone sees the world differently; there is no blueprint for happiness and art is just a medium for expressing emotion.

My emotions are surrounded by artifice. I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve; I mould my heart to the occasion at hand. Without an ounce of truth to my being, how can I begin to judge what others have chosen as their influences? I don’t know anything about my life, except that it’s a separate entity to what people see. I am no one without validation. Without the people around me, I would cease to be relevant. Distance placed between human to human because of likes and dislikes is no way to exist; you need friendship, love and a place to have your 15 minutes with a pair of understanding ears.

I don’t know what this is, I don’t know what anything is anymore; but all I know is one day I will know. And before that day, all I ask is for my friends to tell me where I’m going wrong.

“Anything is hard to find, when you will not open your eyes” - Morrissey